7 Quotes from Anna Dostoevskaya’s Diary

Fyodor Mikhailovich and Anna Grigoryevna Dostoevsky travelled abroad shortly after their wedding in April 1867. Anna was twenty and leaving Russia for the first time. Preparing for the journey, she began keeping a diary and continued making notes during several months spent in Berlin, Dresden, Baden-Baden, and Geneva. The three notebooks describe every day of 1867, covering new places, her husband’s behavior, and her own feelings. Dostoevskaya used special shorthand symbols for her entries. In the early 20th century, likely considering publication, she began to decipher them but only processed the first notebook. In this edited version, Anna Grigoryevna constantly justifies her husband, who was often irritable, shouted at her, and made hurtful remarks. Nevertheless, even while trying to present the great writer in the best light, his wife does not distort the history of their relationship: the diary is the most detailed and authoritative account of Dostoevsky’s life in 1867.

1. On the Cost of Goods and Services

“<…> We delivered the letters here. (They charged us 12 silbergroschen for 3 letters – 36 kopecks – that is very little) <…> We stopped to buy cigarettes, they charged us 4 silbergroschen (12 kopecks) for the ones that cost 25 in Petersburg, exactly half. The further we go, the cheaper the cigarettes become.”

May 5 (April 23)

In her diary, Anna Grigoryevna records all expenses. First, she mentally converts them into Russian money and assesses the cost, then compares prices for the same goods in different cities. She meticulously describes the appearance of the coins and the economic habits of the population. In Berlin and Dresden, the Dostoevskys use talers, guilders, and silbergroschen. They spend an average of 2 talers for dinner for two, buy coffee, fruits, flowers, souvenirs, and clothes. Anna Grigoryevna spends money willingly because food and goods are cheaper here than in St. Petersburg.

Her main complaint about the locals is the constant attempts to deceive travelers who are unfamiliar with the local currency. In Baden-Baden, people try to give them change using old Prussian coins they have never seen, but the Dostoevskys, having already fallen victim to swindlers a couple of times, refuse.

2. On Playing Roulette

“Today we had 20 gold pieces this morning—that is too small a resource, but what can be done, maybe we will rise somehow. Fedya left, and I stayed at home, but he soon came back, saying he had lost the 5 he took, and asked for 5 more; I gave them, and 10 remained; he went and lost those 5 too; taking another 5, he returned and said he had lost those too, and asked me for one gold piece. We had 4 left. I gave 1 gold piece, Fedya left, but returned after ¼ hour, and how could one hold out with just one gold piece. We sat down to dinner very sad. After dinner, I went to the post office, and Fedya went to play, taking 3 more with him. Only one remained in total. I walked in the alley for a long time, waiting for him, but he still did not come. Finally, he came and said he had lost those, and asked me to pawn the things immediately.”

July 18 (July 6)

After moving to Baden-Baden, where Dostoevsky constantly plays roulette, the diary text changes: the author only records the amount of money remaining. Most often, it is a count of the last few coins that she has to hand over to her husband, even though she needs to repair clothes and prepare dinner. The Dostoevskys no longer go to restaurants but eat at home, constantly delaying rent payments. Anna Grigoryevna pawns her dresses, cloaks, fur coat, and wedding rings.

Initially, Anna Grigoryevna remains calm during the first losses. Later, as the losses become massive, she has hysterics. She secretly says goodbye to the things she has to pawn and cries. Fyodor Mikhailovich confesses and suffers after every loss, praises his wife, says he is unworthy of her, and calls himself a scoundrel, but still takes the last money and leaves to gamble.

3. On the Reasons for the Losses

“<…> he said: ‘No, I had 1,300 francs, it was in my hands the day before yesterday, I told the valet to wake me up at 9 o’clock to take the morning train, the scoundrel valet did not bother to wake me, and I overslept until half past 11. Then I went to the station and lost everything in three bets. Then I pawned my ring to pay the hotel bill. Then I lost on the rest too.'”

October 7 (September 25)

When informing his wife about his losses, Dostoevsky always tried to explain the reason. From his point of view, it was because he was constantly being pushed at the gambling table. Unable to concentrate, he made bad bets. He was also hindered by people talking behind his back, the noise in the hall, and even Anna Grigoryevna herself, when she came with him to the gambling house. Later, Fyodor Mikhailovich invents other explanations for both the losses and the decision to gamble. For example, he was not woken up, he had free time, and therefore he went to try his luck. Anna Grigoryevna, who initially defended him, begins to reproach and suspect her husband.

4. On Quarrels

“<…> Fedya remarked to me that I was dressed for winter and that I had bad gloves. I was very offended and replied that if he thought I was badly dressed, it would be better for us not to go together. He turned around and went back, and I went off to the palace.”

April 30 (April 18)

The passages describing the quarrels were the most heavily edited. But even despite the editing, indications of constant arguments remain. In most cases, Dostoevsky acts as the aggressor. He criticizes his wife’s appearance or speech, gets irritated at her when they wait too long for coffee, over lost items, and because of a failed roulette bet, etc. In all these cases, Fyodor Mikhailovich claims: Anna Grigoryevna brings bad luck or deliberately arranges everything. She tries to laugh and turn everything into a joke. But the more Dostoevsky loses, the stronger her reaction changes: she begins to speak more sharply to her husband, puts him in his place, and denies her fault.

5. On Ugly and Vexatious People

“<…> Yesterday we walked around the city and met a terrible number of different cripples: some hunchbacks, some with twisted legs, some bandy-legged; in general, Dresden is a city of all kinds of cripples. This is the ugliest population I have ever seen, all the old men and women are simply repulsive, one doesn’t want to look, they are so hideous.”

May 13 (May 1)

Throughout 1867, travelling in different countries, the Dostoevskys constantly criticize the local residents, making all kinds of complaints. The main problem with the Germans is that they are stupid and slow-witted; local customs seem wild to Anna Grigoryevna: she is surprised and almost indignant that people providing various services do not stop their side activities when a client comes to them. For example, a midwife whom Anna Grigoryevna visits for consultation about her pregnancy receives her while having breakfast.

Russians also vex the Dostoevskys. Anna Grigoryevna looks at the outfits of female travelers, considering them tasteless, and Fyodor Mikhailovich causes a scene at the Russian consulate because he was asked to present his passport.

6. On Russian Writers Who are Also Vexatious

“Fedya, as usual, spoke somewhat sharply with him [Turgenev], for example, he advised him to buy a telescope in Paris, and since he lives far from Russia, to point the telescope and see what is happening there, otherwise he will not understand anything in it. Turgenev declared that he, Turgenev, was a realist, but Fedya said that he only thought so. When Fedya said that he only noticed stupidity in the Germans, and also very frequent deception, Turgenev was terribly offended by this and declared that Fedya had mortally insulted him, because he had become a German, that he was not Russian at all, but a German.”

July 10 (June 28)

Meeting Russian writers abroad also vexes the Dostoevskys: their ignorance of Russian life irritates them. Thus, Turgenev considers himself a German, and Ogarev has not read Crime and Punishment. Goncharov is the best because he does not discuss Russian and European reality with the Dostoevskys.

7. On Epileptic Seizures

“<…> Fedya lay very close to the edge with his head, so that one second, and he could have fallen. As he later told me, he remembers how the seizure began: he had not yet fallen asleep then, he raised himself up, and that is why, I think, he ended up so close to the edge. I began to wipe away the sweat and foam. The seizure did not last too long and, it seemed to me, was not too strong; his eyes did not squint, but the convulsions were strong.”

August 13 (August 1)

Epileptic seizures occurred to Dostoevsky throughout the trip and frightened his wife much more than the roulette losses. Gradually, she begins to distinguish between strong and weak seizures and learns the rules of first aid. The main thing is to hold her husband, who is convulsing, so that he does not hit himself or break anything, and to wipe away the foam so that he does not choke. During strong seizures, she worries that his dentures might fall out and he could swallow them. The most terrifying thing for her is his squinted eyes and blue face. At such moments, Anna Grigoryevna would start to pray that her husband would not die. Sometimes she would get up at night to check if he was alive, touching his nose. Fyodor Mikhailovich, who was quite alive, just fast asleep, was frightened by this.

Sources

Dostoevskaya A. G. Memoirs. Moscow, 1971.

Dostoevskaya A. G. Diary of 1867. Moscow, 1993.

Dostoevsky F. M., Dostoevskaya A. G. Correspondence. Moscow, 1979.

Zhitomirskaya S. V. A. G. Dostoevskaya’s Diary as a Historical and Literary Source. In: Dostoevskaya A. G. Diary of 1867. Moscow, 1993.